it’s been a minute 

so much has changed 

nothing has changed

this space is teaching and pushing me towards something 

i don’t know 

sometimes I don’t know how to respond 

i have tendencies to stay 

i have tendencies to run 

i have tendencies to freeze 

tendencies are in the past tho 

action is right now 

inaction is right now 

what will I do 

how will I hear 

through my heart I think 

what if I only made space for kindness 

for myself 

would that bleed to others 

in my heart 

pacifying language 

self serving enabling

in my heart 

no, not there

that’s not in my heart

what if I only talked about myself to myself through my heart 

let’s see 

i love you 

you are incredible with or without deed 

you are as full as the moon with or without praise

you have so much to give with or without the exchange of coin 

if I spoke to myself first with love 

let’s see 

lack of satisfaction is one of your gifts

it keeps you accountable to growth

it keeps you to the blueprint of your heart 

lack of satisfaction is not your lack 

you are not wrong for finding dissatisfaction in narratives, circumstances and company 

that means there is work to do 

that means there is work for all of you to do 

you are not lacking 

they are not lacking 

your heart knows what it wants 

If my heart could talk directly to me

i think my heart can talk directly to me 

let’s see 

it would say that everyone wants the blueprint of their hearts to be true 

construct 

i want that

space

space where what’s in my heart has the time to reach my head and flow down to my fingers  

space where I can resolve my estrangement to nature 

to me  

what’s in my heart needs space to grow 

what’s in my heart needs laughter to soar 

what’s in my heart needs integrity and action to have flesh  

what’s in my head needs to be challenged so i can clear the path to my heart 

i know I want to be a part of it 

but not like this 

searching for the wrong payout 

energetic exchange first then money 

not the other way around 

eventually

in our wildest of blueprints 

energetic exchange for energetic exchange’s sake 

because what’s in our hearts wants to be seen 

it wants to feel the air of recognition on its skin 

because it knows its valuable 

because it knows its needed 

but it doesn’t know how to make space for itself without killing the blueprint of another  

and the cold infrastructure that does not see us is only a magnification of us